It was my first day of work in Australia. Matthew, one of my colleagues offered to take me around for a tour within the office. As we walked past the desks, people would look up from their computer screens and flash a smile at us. In turn, he introduced them to me. ‘This is Tina – she is Scottish. Here is Y who is Spanish. Here is Z who is Latvian’, and so forth. Couple of days later, during our morning tea, my mention of her Scottish descent surprised Tina. Apparently, her great grandfather had migrated to Australia, and she had never been to Scotland. That was my first experience of learning how your cultural background identifies you for generations to come!
This community that we live in…
is diverse, multicultural Australian, whose migration history can be divided into 4 phases according to the information provided by the Immigration Heritage Centre. The first one is the European settlement in 1700s, and the second one is around the unofficial ‘White Australia Policy’ in the early 1900s. A policy of ‘populate or perish’ was adopted after the Second World War to resist being the target of possible invasions. It was after 1950s that the concept of a Multiculturalism was encouraged, that resulted in the influx of a lot of skilled and business migrants. It is this tolerance exhibited by the nation to accommodate various cultures that come in the favour of anyone who migrates to Australia.
Regardless, there is a cultural dissonance. But then, who is confused?
I was always under the impression that the second generation migrants are “confused”. During a casual conversation with one of our family friends on the cultural identity and the related issues faced by the children who are born and brought up here, a highly relevant thought was tossed at me. “Aren’t the first generation migrants confused on how to rear their children?” Right he was, and as I probed more into the idea, probably the roots of the dissonance of the second generation migrants come from the seeds planted by their parents; who themselves have to pass through a lot of hurdles before they acclimatize with this new country that they later call their homeland. At this juncture, I decided on something – I would rather comprehend the issues faced by the children and then go to the parents trying to find the path this would have evolved, and try and find a few good solutions (if any!) based on these people’s life and experiences.
Listening to the second generation migrants…
Instead of sitting in my own cozy chair and forming theories on the topic, I thought it is better if I consult a few people who are facing this situation in daily life. In line with this thought, I reached out to a few first and second generation migrants i.e., parents and children, and asked them to give me their viewpoints, independent of each other. It was amazing to see that as convinced the parents were about their child’s cultural dissonance, the children appreciated the efforts their parents make, and at the same time try to develop their own understanding regarding what their culture should be. I was reminded of something Sunaina Maira, a Professor of Asian American Studies at University of California, said in her book, ‘Desis in the House, American Youth Culture’ – that “the second generation migrants draw on their ethnic traditions and city’s resources to create a vibrant subculture.” This statement, although based on the American social fabric, sounds relevant in the Australian context as well. What is this subculture all about? Well, let us find out.
“Accept the fact that I won’t solely identify with one culture but be grateful that I have a unique opportunity to learn two different ones and come to my own understanding of what values and tradition I can associate myself with” is what Ashik Kavanakudy said when asked about how he helps himself while being caught in the middle. He defined that subculture perfectly, albeit unknowingly! It is very interesting how the so-nicknamed “Australian born/brought up Confused Desis” (ABCD) balance their home and society. Whilst most of them thought that it requires an ongoing ‘learning’ process to alleviate the confusion, the biggest barrier they all described was in respect to communication.
‘Being unable to communicate fluently in the mother tongue’ was something that most of them thought segregates them from the mainstream community. Shilpa Sagy even mentioned that “the children will have to be encouraged to speak/write their native language, no matter how hard they refuse to learn it”. Well said! It is impressive that they recognize the endeavours of their parents as well as the larger community in exposing them to the regional native-tongue classes, books, movies and cultural events.
Obviously, there are certain things that they enjoy about this life of theirs- which led us to another question. What is it that they like the most about being an Indian Australian? ‘Food, costumes and weddings’ were often quoted, however, the support of close family values and being able to embrace the best of both worlds were some of the more thought provoking answers that were received. However, while talking about their pet hate, these children condemned the ‘institutionalized vacuum’ that the Indian migrants usually display, of not having a civic sense. Questions were asked on why people are not thankful to the opportunities provided by this country like Medicare and Centrelink, and why those are being exploited – queries like this did shed light on some values that many Indians lack as a community, however the Western world possesses. And this, according to the second generation, certainly added to their confused status!
This young generation, sometimes feel that they are thrown in the deep end, “when you behave in a way which is fine within one culture but frowned upon in another culture.” They also feel the burden of the projected culture identity on them at times where people ‘expect’ them to behave in a certain manner; an example Kam Ghatora gives is when a male meets his female colleague. In a multicultural setting, they may hug each other, whereas in an Indian community, a hand shake is the farthest it can go! A solution that they normally resort to is to “aim to follow what is right in that social context”. After all, isn’t that what sets human beings apart from the animals – to behave in an appropriate manner.
As vast this topic is, many a time, living this life with a dual identity seems to offer a different kind of challenge that someone living in India or a new migrant faces. Provided they are supported by a close knit family, most of these children seemed to bank on the values that have been instilled in them by their parents to separate chaff from grain. Ranjitha thinks the best way to alleviate the cultural dissonance is to face it and come to terms with it instead of running away from it. When she was young and had problems with inferiority and the colour of her skin, it was her family’s reassurance and their pride in their heritage that set a good example for her. Even though she thinks the difference in the ways the parents and children are brought up might create some friction in the Indian Australian setting; she accepts those as a normal occurrence in any parent-child relationship.
It does not surprise me that they make sense, as they need to make a world for themselves; don’t they?
And now, the first generation migrants are concerned…
…that their children would be viewed as culturally inadequate and unfinished. Well, this concern is perfectly justified. Sali Palpathu reflects the minds of a lot of young parents who are new migrants when she says that “I was confused during my early life in Australia as to how to bring up my children as good citizens in this diverse cultural scenario.” The children being ‘good’ is subjective to a parent’s perspective and it is obvious that she is making an effort when she says that she helps her children to be accustomed to the culture they are now part of. Nevertheless, there are parents who strongly believe that their children should be brought up on core Indian values and nothing less. Do their kids live a double life, as they need to be an Indian inside their homes, and an Australian outside – and how stressful would that be?
Although Anish Philip did not bring up his children in a conservative setting, he tried to encourage them to think and reason. The challenge he faces is something different. “Coming up with a satisfactory explanation (for rituals and customs) is not always possible as we did what we were told to do when we were young without questioning our parents. As an outcome, often, we do not have an explanation for what we do other than that is how we did it while growing up.” Many a time, all it takes is a bit of time and patience to iron things out, as it happens when he has “open communication with children, show a listening attitude, and respect their comments and views.”
Sagy Kunjittikudy believes that he received a lukewarm response to his efforts to familiarize his children with the Indian culture. Making a continuous effort to speak in the native tongue, using language books, CDs etc were some of the things he tried. However, his recommendation is to ‘spend more time kids and convince the significance / value of Indian culture.’ “Convincing” is the important word here. The educational system in Australia instils logical thinking in children, and just preaching them the cultural nuances is not enough to satisfy those inquisitive minds.
Many people believe that exposing the children to gather first-hand information about their mother land will help immensely. Visiting India, the grandparents and the extended relatives is generally believed to give a background to the second generation about their cultural roots, and where they come from. It is reassuring that a lot of people believe that ‘discounting the centuries old Indian culture for the sake of raising their children in Australian culture is not right’ and that ‘parents should help children to learn the best of both cultures.’
But how? Sindhu Unnirajan has an interesting recommendation to make “Collaborative parenting. You tell the children what to do in certain contexts, and you take their words in certain others”. She gives the example of talking to the young generation about their likes and dislikes- things as simple as their favourite movies, songs, books, the clothing trends etc; that will make them feel heard and understood. And this would in turn inspire them to respect the parents’ likes and dislikes as well. Sometimes, it will help if the parents to go out of their way to perceive the setting that their kids grow up in. Sali John has a fascinating example as she walks back around 20 years when the internet was not easily accessible unlike today. “When my eldest child was in kindergarten he preferred Italian food over Indian, so I attended pasta cooking classes to learn those recipes.” When he was old enough, her child did value what his mom did for him, and reciprocated the sentiment.
How can we address this dissonance?
K.P. Jose, who has worked in the Sydney Malayali community arena for decades, identifies that lack of ‘unified parenting’ by the partners as the root cause of the cultural issues in their children. Apparently, he has seen a lot – both of lives that propagate and perish. “Give them a good, loving and supportive family. Let the kids grow up in the cultural landscape they are in, don’t try to force any particular cultural identity on them. Accept that they are growing up in this society”. Babu Varghese, the current President of Sydney Malayalee Association, agrees to this opinion and he recommends the friendly style of parenting, that will make the kids self-reliant. Trying to be controlling would result in adverse responses- he adds on.
It is interesting to note that pretty much everyone who talked – both first and second generation migrants – used the words ‘acceptance’ and ‘open mindedness’ at least once. These traits are not just expected from parents; both parties should go by the rule of give and take respect. And this can only happen as we find a ‘happy medium’. Allen Philip talks absolute sense when he says that “accepting the new culture and its traditions as well and allowing the child some freedom in choosing their own values will relieve some stress on the child”. At the same time, the children need to be made aware of where the parents come from.
Epilogue
It is hard to find the “best” solution to this issue, as is the case in most social issues. A useful outcome of this discussion is about families needing to spend quality time together that will trigger open communication; which is something most people generally seem to enjoy. The hardest bit seems to be finding the time, given the busy lifestyle. In fact, it does not need to be onerous. Catch up over a cup of coffee or a cozy dinner, exchange the day’s details, talk about the good things, whinge about the bad, share your excitement, be proud, be kind, be generous – and above all, be open. In those discussions, don’t silence you children when they ask questions. They may ask these questions elsewhere and get wrong answers! Untangle the knots together, as a family and give the children the support they deserve – you will never regret the time spent for this.
Here’s wishing you the happiness of being together!